1 00:00:00,770 --> 00:00:01,863 - hot in cleveland Is recorded 2 00:00:01,886 --> 00:00:04,575 In front of a live Studio audience. 3 00:00:08,713 --> 00:00:10,987 - hey, ladies. Who had the beer, 4 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,039 And who had the shot Of jagermeister? 5 00:00:12,063 --> 00:00:14,783 - me and me. 6 00:00:14,805 --> 00:00:15,900 - what can I do for you? 7 00:00:15,923 --> 00:00:17,271 - well, that sports game Has been on 8 00:00:17,294 --> 00:00:18,355 An awfully long time. 9 00:00:18,377 --> 00:00:19,760 Could you change the channel? 10 00:00:19,783 --> 00:00:21,132 - it's kind of a big game. 11 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:24,416 - but oprah and gayle Are camping again. 12 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,618 Pretty please? 13 00:00:26,641 --> 00:00:29,999 - well, how can I say no To you? 14 00:00:30,022 --> 00:00:31,977 - that never would have worked In l.A. 15 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,636 - hey... - whoa... 16 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:36,093 - it didn't completely Work here. 17 00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:39,506 - oh, guys, sorry. 18 00:00:39,528 --> 00:00:40,718 - it's okay. 19 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:43,110 - I love this town. 20 00:00:43,133 --> 00:00:46,874 - now make them get us Some ice cream from next door. 21 00:00:46,897 --> 00:00:51,329 - well, I'm not wearing The right bra, but I'll try. 22 00:01:06,674 --> 00:01:08,756 - scusi, signora. 23 00:01:08,779 --> 00:01:10,670 You're wearing my house. 24 00:01:10,693 --> 00:01:13,862 - oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see you. 25 00:01:13,885 --> 00:01:14,819 Here. 26 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:15,966 - just put it back In the kitchen. 27 00:01:15,989 --> 00:01:21,071 that's the dining room! The kitchen. 28 00:01:21,093 --> 00:01:23,941 There's a customary Remodeling fee. 29 00:01:23,963 --> 00:01:26,324 - oh, sure. 30 00:01:28,111 --> 00:01:29,907 Bloody hell, I can't find my wallet! 31 00:01:29,930 --> 00:01:31,629 I must have left it At the I.N.S. Office 32 00:01:31,652 --> 00:01:33,446 When I was filling out Those stupid forms. 33 00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:36,796 My whole life Is in tatters. 34 00:01:36,820 --> 00:01:38,934 Oh, sorry. 35 00:01:38,957 --> 00:01:41,678 - actually, I do all right For myself. 36 00:01:46,453 --> 00:01:48,089 ♪ ♪ 37 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:54,820 ♪ ♪ 38 00:01:54,842 --> 00:01:57,722 - oh, please... Please stop. 39 00:01:57,746 --> 00:02:00,530 You're really very good, But I've had a rough day. 40 00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:03,656 - oh... You look Almost ready to cry. 41 00:02:03,679 --> 00:02:05,378 Let the tears fall. 42 00:02:05,401 --> 00:02:07,898 - well, it has been A rough few months. 43 00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:10,515 - you see, I need a green card. 44 00:02:10,538 --> 00:02:13,291 And I had a potential Fake marriage that fell apart. 45 00:02:13,313 --> 00:02:15,364 Then I had a potential Real marriage that fell apart. 46 00:02:15,387 --> 00:02:18,203 And now I'm gonna be deported In two weeks, 47 00:02:18,226 --> 00:02:20,786 Unless I can find An american citizen to marry me. 48 00:02:20,809 --> 00:02:23,232 - I... I'm an american Citizen. 49 00:02:25,467 --> 00:02:27,485 - first of all, victoria, Thanks for auditioning. 50 00:02:27,509 --> 00:02:30,164 I am a huge Honor st. Raven fan. 51 00:02:30,187 --> 00:02:31,856 So for an actress Of your caliber 52 00:02:31,879 --> 00:02:34,280 To even consider A local news program is... 53 00:02:34,303 --> 00:02:36,035 - extraordinary. I know. 54 00:02:36,058 --> 00:02:37,566 You know, I'll admit that At first, 55 00:02:37,589 --> 00:02:38,969 Even I had reservations. 56 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,809 But then I thought, I'm not lowering myself. 57 00:02:41,832 --> 00:02:45,763 I am raising the drab Little lives of clevelanders. 58 00:02:45,788 --> 00:02:48,220 - we watched your tape. 59 00:02:48,244 --> 00:02:50,071 - you're welcome. 60 00:02:50,095 --> 00:02:51,697 - there's just one little thing. 61 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:52,942 Uh, we find you, uh... 62 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,909 - too chic? Charismatic? Fabulous? 63 00:02:55,931 --> 00:02:57,472 - unlikable. 64 00:02:57,494 --> 00:03:02,894 - unlikable? Me? In what way? 65 00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:04,935 - we found you vain, Self-centered, 66 00:03:04,958 --> 00:03:07,231 And completely uninterested in The person you were talking to. 67 00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,051 - all right, Now you're just babbling. 68 00:03:09,074 --> 00:03:10,805 I'm gonna level with you. 69 00:03:10,828 --> 00:03:12,559 I am broke, So I really need this job. 70 00:03:12,582 --> 00:03:13,676 Now, why don't you tell me 71 00:03:13,699 --> 00:03:15,399 Exactly what it is You're looking for. 72 00:03:15,422 --> 00:03:16,738 - we call it the three ps. 73 00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:19,259 Perky, playful, And puns. 74 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:22,129 That's the kind of thing That plays in middle america, 75 00:03:22,152 --> 00:03:25,798 Where likeable people Like... Likeability. 76 00:03:25,821 --> 00:03:28,382 - you wouldn't know Likeability 77 00:03:28,405 --> 00:03:30,901 It it sat in your lap And blew in your ear. 78 00:03:30,924 --> 00:03:33,060 Would you like that? 79 00:03:34,785 --> 00:03:36,069 - there you are. 80 00:03:36,093 --> 00:03:37,122 We were starting To get worried 81 00:03:37,144 --> 00:03:38,334 That something terrible Happened to you. 82 00:03:38,357 --> 00:03:41,876 - I'm engaged... To a homeless man. 83 00:03:41,899 --> 00:03:43,407 - oh, joy! 84 00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:46,777 Haven't the homeless Suffered enough? 85 00:03:48,724 --> 00:03:51,127 - you're engaged To a random homeless man? 86 00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:53,870 - he's not random. He's opera guy. 87 00:03:53,893 --> 00:03:56,326 - the guy that stands outside And sings? 88 00:03:56,349 --> 00:03:58,814 - yes. This means I get To stay in the country. 89 00:03:58,837 --> 00:03:59,835 Be happy for me. 90 00:03:59,857 --> 00:04:01,813 - I'm happy for you. 91 00:04:01,836 --> 00:04:04,875 Sad for the country. 92 00:04:04,897 --> 00:04:06,885 - sweetie, isn't this A little extreme? 93 00:04:06,907 --> 00:04:08,608 - look, I know This is crazy, 94 00:04:08,631 --> 00:04:10,778 But I only have two weeks To get a green card. 95 00:04:10,801 --> 00:04:12,723 - well, you know how much I want you to stay here, 96 00:04:12,745 --> 00:04:14,285 So I'll do whatever I can To help. 97 00:04:14,308 --> 00:04:16,391 - that's good, because He'll be living with us 98 00:04:16,414 --> 00:04:18,337 For the next two weeks. 99 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:19,645 - what? Why? 100 00:04:19,668 --> 00:04:20,921 - well, I can't just Put his address down 101 00:04:20,944 --> 00:04:23,440 On the I.N.S. Forms As "Behind the quiznos." 102 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:27,524 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wedding to plan... 103 00:04:27,547 --> 00:04:29,407 And a fiance's name to learn. 104 00:04:29,430 --> 00:04:32,278 - shouldn't we do something About this? 105 00:04:32,301 --> 00:04:34,988 - oh, he'll soon come To his senses. 106 00:04:35,011 --> 00:04:37,859 - oh, wow... 107 00:04:37,882 --> 00:04:40,348 That is a good-lookin' man. 108 00:04:40,371 --> 00:04:42,453 - oh, that's jason disbrow... 109 00:04:42,475 --> 00:04:44,209 Shooting coach For the cavaliers. 110 00:04:44,231 --> 00:04:45,993 Yummy. 111 00:04:46,017 --> 00:04:47,685 - well, go talk to him. 112 00:04:47,707 --> 00:04:50,077 Use your powers. 113 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,564 - oh, I don't know If my powers are strong enough 114 00:04:52,587 --> 00:04:54,926 To penetrate That kind of handsome. 115 00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:56,552 What should I say? 116 00:04:56,575 --> 00:04:58,977 - uh, how 'bout, uh, 117 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,561 "J.J. Hickson better Square up to the basket 118 00:05:01,584 --> 00:05:04,144 If he ever wants To hit a jumper." 119 00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:05,868 - I can't say that. 120 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,622 I don't even know What it means. 121 00:05:07,644 --> 00:05:10,736 - excuse me, would you mind If I put the game back on? 122 00:05:18,555 --> 00:05:20,605 Thanks. 123 00:05:20,629 --> 00:05:22,233 - j.J. Hickson better Square up to the basket 124 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,306 If he ever wants to hit A jumper. 125 00:05:24,329 --> 00:05:27,814 - wow, I just said that to him This morning at practice. 126 00:05:27,837 --> 00:05:29,251 Can I buy you a drink? 127 00:05:29,274 --> 00:05:33,322 - don't waste your money. She's good to go. 128 00:05:36,897 --> 00:05:39,744 And this is The pick and roll. 129 00:05:39,768 --> 00:05:42,170 - what you guys doing? 130 00:05:42,193 --> 00:05:44,244 - oh, elka's teaching me The finer points of basketball 131 00:05:44,266 --> 00:05:45,710 So I don't blow it On my date with jason. 132 00:05:45,732 --> 00:05:46,731 - well, that's silly. 133 00:05:46,754 --> 00:05:47,880 Just be yourself. He'll adore you. 134 00:05:47,903 --> 00:05:49,251 - thanks, but he already thinks 135 00:05:49,274 --> 00:05:51,292 I'm a basketball savant. 136 00:05:51,315 --> 00:05:52,728 The only thing Standing in the way 137 00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:53,973 Of me and free tickets 138 00:05:53,996 --> 00:05:57,481 Is her ignorance Of the game. 139 00:05:57,504 --> 00:05:59,937 - couldn't I just, You know, sleep with him? 140 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:04,201 - I don't want the cheap seats. I want courtside. 141 00:06:06,659 --> 00:06:08,805 - all right, I have a question. 142 00:06:08,828 --> 00:06:10,719 The guy who left To play for miami, 143 00:06:10,742 --> 00:06:14,515 Is his name pronounced "Le-bron" or "Le-braun"? 144 00:06:14,538 --> 00:06:18,141 - in this house, It's pronounced traitor! 145 00:06:23,088 --> 00:06:24,500 - hey, where have you been All day? 146 00:06:24,522 --> 00:06:26,126 - oh, let's not make this About me. 147 00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:28,902 I'm more interested In you and you... And you. 148 00:06:28,925 --> 00:06:32,506 - what's wrong with you? 149 00:06:32,529 --> 00:06:34,006 - there is nothing wrong With me. 150 00:06:34,029 --> 00:06:35,601 I'm just interested In my friends, 151 00:06:35,624 --> 00:06:37,356 Like any likeable person. 152 00:06:37,379 --> 00:06:40,482 - okay. Well, I have a date With a coach 153 00:06:40,505 --> 00:06:42,076 From the cleveland cavaliers. - ah. 154 00:06:42,099 --> 00:06:45,873 - and I'm engaged To a homeless man. 155 00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:46,894 He's moving in today. 156 00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:51,552 - what... A... Heartwarming surprise. 157 00:06:51,575 --> 00:06:53,975 - look, I know what an Incredible imposition this is, 158 00:06:53,998 --> 00:06:55,920 But he's actually A pretty good guy. 159 00:06:55,943 --> 00:06:57,548 No different From any of us. 160 00:06:57,572 --> 00:07:00,663 - honey, I'm home! 161 00:07:04,110 --> 00:07:06,958 - hi... Fiance. 162 00:07:06,980 --> 00:07:12,274 - now, please, introduce me To your sister-wives. 163 00:07:14,797 --> 00:07:17,613 - well, this is melanie And elka. 164 00:07:17,636 --> 00:07:18,954 - and I'm victoria. 165 00:07:18,977 --> 00:07:22,079 Delighted to meet you. - charmed. 166 00:07:22,103 --> 00:07:25,013 Oh, such a beautiful home! 167 00:07:25,037 --> 00:07:26,705 I love all the little Touches. 168 00:07:26,728 --> 00:07:28,364 Like the crown molding and... Oh! 169 00:07:28,386 --> 00:07:33,275 Windows with glass Instead of trash bags! 170 00:07:33,298 --> 00:07:35,254 - we've set up a cot for you In the garage. 171 00:07:35,277 --> 00:07:36,275 - oh, a cot! 172 00:07:36,297 --> 00:07:37,326 - I won't hear of it. 173 00:07:37,350 --> 00:07:41,218 - you bitch! 174 00:07:41,242 --> 00:07:46,194 - no, I mean you must stay In our guest room. 175 00:07:46,217 --> 00:07:48,874 - I'll show you the way. - thank you. 176 00:07:48,897 --> 00:07:50,852 I'm so grateful To be in your home. 177 00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:53,373 You must wake up every day Feeling blessed. 178 00:07:53,396 --> 00:07:56,786 Don't touch my stuff! 179 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,274 - oh, what a charming fellow. 180 00:07:59,297 --> 00:08:02,145 Humans are so... Interesting. 181 00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:04,124 - okay, why are you being So weird? 182 00:08:04,146 --> 00:08:08,174 - I'm just being my normal, Upbeat, likeable self. 183 00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:11,906 - oh, god, My career is over! 184 00:08:11,929 --> 00:08:13,947 - what's wrong? What are you talking about? 185 00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:16,372 Well, I was embarrassed To tell you guys, 186 00:08:16,394 --> 00:08:20,773 But I auditioned for a job At a local tv news station. 187 00:08:20,797 --> 00:08:22,338 I didn't get it. 188 00:08:22,361 --> 00:08:24,474 They found me "Unlikable." 189 00:08:24,497 --> 00:08:27,154 - that's ridiculous. - you're wonderful. 190 00:08:27,177 --> 00:08:30,652 - I like you better than joy. 191 00:08:32,537 --> 00:08:35,065 - they wanted me to do Human interest stories, 192 00:08:35,088 --> 00:08:38,574 But you know that I have No interest in humans. 193 00:08:38,597 --> 00:08:40,998 Except for you guys. 194 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,625 Oh, god, I need this job. 195 00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,699 - so... You're a great actress. 196 00:08:44,722 --> 00:08:47,188 - go on. 197 00:08:47,211 --> 00:08:48,877 - pretend to be interested. 198 00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:52,131 - pretend! Oh, you're right. You're right. 199 00:08:52,154 --> 00:08:54,204 I've been going about this All wrong. 200 00:08:54,227 --> 00:08:56,374 No, I just need To think of this 201 00:08:56,397 --> 00:08:58,096 As another role I'm playing. 202 00:08:58,119 --> 00:09:00,839 You know, it's kind of like When they ask me to host 203 00:09:00,862 --> 00:09:02,117 Those charity functions. 204 00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:04,083 I just need to pretend To care. 205 00:09:05,935 --> 00:09:08,561 And for the homeless man Known as "Opera guy," 206 00:09:08,583 --> 00:09:12,963 This far-from-fat lady Has sung a song of love. 207 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:16,534 well, for, oh, hi, ohio, This is vicki chase saying 208 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,448 That's amore! 209 00:09:18,472 --> 00:09:20,842 and for s'amore On the weather, 210 00:09:20,865 --> 00:09:24,766 here's glenn to tell us If spring is in the aria. 211 00:09:26,224 --> 00:09:29,549 - wow. Now that Is a home run. 212 00:09:29,572 --> 00:09:33,186 - or perhaps you should say A homeless run. 213 00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:35,579 No, you did not say that! 214 00:09:35,603 --> 00:09:37,396 - so? 215 00:09:37,419 --> 00:09:40,768 - welcome to northeast ohio's Number three television station. 216 00:09:46,576 --> 00:09:47,574 - it's so great To be with a woman 217 00:09:47,597 --> 00:09:49,199 Who knows so much About basketball. 218 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,497 So who do you think We should start at power forward 219 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:52,475 Against detroit? 220 00:09:56,177 --> 00:09:57,941 - huh? 221 00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:01,609 - say, "I'd go with Antawn jamison." 222 00:10:01,632 --> 00:10:04,831 - I'd go with Antawn jamison. 223 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,957 You know, he's old, But he has a lot of gas left 224 00:10:07,981 --> 00:10:11,051 In his tank. 225 00:10:11,074 --> 00:10:13,157 - you know, lebron used to say The same thing. 226 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,326 - oh, were you guys close? - super close. 227 00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,431 Had all my hopes and dreams Invested in him. 228 00:10:17,454 --> 00:10:20,207 And just like the rest Of the city, it still hurts. 229 00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:21,896 - well, at least he'll Come back and play 230 00:10:21,919 --> 00:10:24,061 A couple times a year. That should be fun, right? 231 00:10:28,109 --> 00:10:30,722 - and I thought you Were the dumb one. 232 00:10:35,031 --> 00:10:38,996 - ladies... The shower! 233 00:10:39,019 --> 00:10:41,483 Like the piss of angels! 234 00:10:41,506 --> 00:10:44,514 - wow, you clean up Really well. 235 00:10:44,537 --> 00:10:45,822 This might actually work. 236 00:10:45,844 --> 00:10:49,489 - have you seen My plastic owl vibrato? 237 00:10:49,513 --> 00:10:52,393 He protects me from squirrels. 238 00:10:52,416 --> 00:10:54,339 - although it has Less of a chance 239 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,254 With statements like that. 240 00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:58,900 - defense wins championships. 241 00:10:58,923 --> 00:11:03,016 - I got a buddy That talks to himself too. 242 00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:06,111 - no, she's on bluetooth. 243 00:11:06,134 --> 00:11:08,874 - what's that like, meth? 244 00:11:11,491 --> 00:11:13,193 - look, here are some answers To questions 245 00:11:13,216 --> 00:11:14,532 The I.N.S. Might ask us. 246 00:11:14,554 --> 00:11:17,594 Please try to memorize them. 247 00:11:17,617 --> 00:11:20,274 - "Joy sleeps on the right side Of the bed. 248 00:11:20,296 --> 00:11:22,315 I sleep on the left." 249 00:11:22,338 --> 00:11:25,218 Ah... 250 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,197 "Unless england's In the world cup, 251 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,641 Then nobody sleeps, Small chuckle." 252 00:11:30,664 --> 00:11:32,715 - no, you don't say "Small chuckle." 253 00:11:32,737 --> 00:11:34,118 You chuckle small-y. 254 00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:41,328 - face it lebron is Le-gone! 255 00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,198 - face it, lebron is Le-outta here. 256 00:11:44,221 --> 00:11:48,059 - oh, she's gone rogue. 257 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:50,005 - you're right, I gotta let him go. 258 00:11:50,028 --> 00:11:51,375 - right. Would you like To go to dinner? 259 00:11:51,398 --> 00:11:53,673 - you got a favorite place? - oh, my gosh, dozens. 260 00:11:53,695 --> 00:11:55,427 Cleveland has so many Great restaurants. 261 00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:57,181 That's another thing I love About this city. 262 00:11:57,204 --> 00:11:58,618 - great. I would hate to think That cleveland was 263 00:11:58,641 --> 00:12:00,595 Just some stepping stone For you to a larger market, 264 00:12:00,618 --> 00:12:05,698 Like chicago, new york... Miami. 265 00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:07,390 - no, no, I'm staying. 266 00:12:07,413 --> 00:12:09,080 - that's what lebron Used to say. 267 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,377 - hey, listen, you gotta Stop beating yourself up. 268 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,738 I mean, it's not like You told lebron to go. 269 00:12:13,761 --> 00:12:16,641 - uh, actually, I did. 270 00:12:16,663 --> 00:12:19,128 You see, I was trying this Reverse-psychology thing, and... 271 00:12:19,151 --> 00:12:21,073 - he's to blame! 272 00:12:21,097 --> 00:12:22,913 I'm gonna kill that mother... 273 00:12:31,911 --> 00:12:34,345 - oh, hi, ohio. 274 00:12:34,368 --> 00:12:37,981 It's vicki chase live From the shores of lake erie. 275 00:12:38,004 --> 00:12:40,980 Not everyone finds Our cleveland winter weather 276 00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:42,096 Hard to take. 277 00:12:42,119 --> 00:12:45,254 In fact, this group Of speedo-clad warriors 278 00:12:45,277 --> 00:12:49,305 Finds it downright Polar bear-able. 279 00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:52,846 In a few minutes, These intrepid heroes 280 00:12:52,869 --> 00:12:54,697 Are going to take Their annual plunge 281 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,484 Into the icy depths. 282 00:12:56,506 --> 00:12:58,332 And let me tell you, folks, 283 00:12:58,355 --> 00:13:03,884 - this water is... - freezing! 284 00:13:03,906 --> 00:13:06,882 I'm sorry, But you guys are crazy! 285 00:13:06,905 --> 00:13:08,541 Am I wrong? 286 00:13:08,564 --> 00:13:10,582 Tell you what, I am, like, Five minutes away 287 00:13:10,605 --> 00:13:11,986 From cutting open One of these guys 288 00:13:12,009 --> 00:13:13,741 And crawling in. 289 00:13:15,678 --> 00:13:16,836 - oh, dear. 290 00:13:16,858 --> 00:13:18,334 That was a bigger disaster 291 00:13:18,357 --> 00:13:19,450 Than when she ad libbed Her way 292 00:13:19,473 --> 00:13:22,098 through the vagina monologues. 293 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,413 Hello. 294 00:13:28,436 --> 00:13:30,393 - I'm patricia wellons With the I.N.S. 295 00:13:30,416 --> 00:13:32,307 I'm here for a surprise review. 296 00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:34,635 - but we're not supposed To meet you till next week. 297 00:13:34,658 --> 00:13:37,686 - that's why It's called a surprise. 298 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:45,864 - it's just so tough. - mm. 299 00:13:45,887 --> 00:13:47,298 - there's reminders Of lebron everywhere. 300 00:13:47,321 --> 00:13:49,308 I still can't take The number 23 bus. 301 00:13:49,331 --> 00:13:50,999 It's kind of funny. 302 00:13:51,022 --> 00:13:52,467 It's almost like I'm going out with someone 303 00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:55,561 With a very famous ex, And I'm just the rebound. 304 00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:57,570 I'm sorry. 305 00:13:57,593 --> 00:14:00,123 Look, maybe this is Just a time in your life 306 00:14:00,146 --> 00:14:01,271 Where you have to Forget the past 307 00:14:01,293 --> 00:14:03,854 And just power forward. 308 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,162 Maybe I should just Go home. 309 00:14:05,186 --> 00:14:07,874 I keep saying the wrong thing. - no, don't go. 310 00:14:07,897 --> 00:14:09,597 I want to show you That I can be normal. 311 00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:12,117 - okay, but could you maybe Turn up the thermostat? 312 00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:13,106 It's a little chilly In here. 313 00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:15,052 - oh, I'm sorry. I like the cold. 314 00:14:15,075 --> 00:14:17,848 - I like the heat. 315 00:14:19,509 --> 00:14:21,687 Right, right... Miami heat. 316 00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:24,813 You know what, I think maybe We should do this another time. 317 00:14:24,836 --> 00:14:27,939 Okay? Can I give you a ring? 318 00:14:27,962 --> 00:14:30,810 Right. No ring. 319 00:14:30,833 --> 00:14:33,363 No rings ever. 320 00:14:33,386 --> 00:14:34,797 - as I was saying, 321 00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:36,552 We like to meet With each of you individually 322 00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,115 To make sure that Your stories are consistent. 323 00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:42,581 So how did you and joy Get together? 324 00:14:42,604 --> 00:14:45,452 - well, when we met, I was at a crosswalk... 325 00:14:45,475 --> 00:14:46,983 - crossroads! 326 00:14:47,006 --> 00:14:50,621 - crossroads! 327 00:14:50,643 --> 00:14:53,905 And this beautiful woman Blew into my life 328 00:14:53,928 --> 00:14:55,278 Like a tornado. 329 00:14:55,301 --> 00:14:58,691 She literally ripped the roof Off of my house. 330 00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:01,082 - don't ad lib, Just repeat what I say! 331 00:15:01,106 --> 00:15:02,327 Don't ad lib, 332 00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:04,294 Just repeat what I say! 333 00:15:06,082 --> 00:15:07,239 - I'm sorry. Excuse me? 334 00:15:07,262 --> 00:15:11,291 - by that I mean She changed my life, 335 00:15:11,314 --> 00:15:13,938 And made me feel like A mannequin. 336 00:15:13,961 --> 00:15:17,766 man again! That makes more sense. 337 00:15:17,789 --> 00:15:19,415 Small chuckle. 338 00:15:25,254 --> 00:15:27,081 I'm lucky to have met her. 339 00:15:27,104 --> 00:15:30,814 - oh, she's lucky too. My husband's a bum. 340 00:15:30,836 --> 00:15:32,596 - oh, really? What's his name? 341 00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:37,480 What was that? 342 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,426 - nothing. Probably a squirrel. 343 00:15:39,449 --> 00:15:41,276 - a squirrel? 344 00:15:41,299 --> 00:15:43,446 Oh, no. Where's vibrato? 345 00:15:43,469 --> 00:15:46,412 - oh, good lord! It's just a squirrel! 346 00:15:46,436 --> 00:15:48,486 - the squirrels are coming! The war's started! 347 00:15:48,509 --> 00:15:49,763 Where's vibrato? 348 00:15:49,785 --> 00:15:51,516 - just get back out there. 349 00:15:51,539 --> 00:15:54,738 - I'm sorry, I have to go. I have a date with destiny. 350 00:15:54,761 --> 00:15:57,406 What are you laughing at? 351 00:16:04,203 --> 00:16:05,605 - I find it sexy. 352 00:16:09,946 --> 00:16:12,347 - so you picked a homeless man To get your green card? 353 00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:14,229 - was that bad? Should I not have done that? 354 00:16:14,252 --> 00:16:16,940 I'm new to your country. 355 00:16:16,963 --> 00:16:19,619 - your fiance is trying To get a squirrel 356 00:16:19,642 --> 00:16:21,343 To sign a peace treaty. 357 00:16:21,365 --> 00:16:23,830 - I have a long ride. 358 00:16:23,853 --> 00:16:24,787 Do you mind it I use Your bathroom? 359 00:16:24,810 --> 00:16:27,787 - down the hall To the left. 360 00:16:27,809 --> 00:16:30,722 Why does this Keep happening? 361 00:16:30,745 --> 00:16:31,837 - I don't know. 362 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,901 It seemed like such An airtight plan. 363 00:16:37,603 --> 00:16:40,386 - well, I assume You all witnessed 364 00:16:40,409 --> 00:16:42,397 My career suicide. 365 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,119 They fired me. 366 00:16:44,142 --> 00:16:46,064 - oh, honey, It's just one job. 367 00:16:46,087 --> 00:16:49,191 You've had dry spells before. The right part will come along. 368 00:16:49,214 --> 00:16:50,402 - well, what if it doesn't? 369 00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:52,030 I mean, What if it's over? 370 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,837 If I'm not in front Of a camera, then who am I? 371 00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:57,357 I just don't know If the un-televised life 372 00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,399 Is worth living. 373 00:17:01,751 --> 00:17:04,567 - sorry, elka, No courtside tickets. 374 00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:08,713 - you slept with him. 375 00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,010 - no. 376 00:17:11,032 --> 00:17:12,637 But why is everyone In this town 377 00:17:12,660 --> 00:17:14,072 So obsessed with their teams? 378 00:17:14,095 --> 00:17:16,337 - my segment was a hit! 379 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:18,890 The station said They've been flooded with calls. 380 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,283 Apparently I say What other people are thinking. 381 00:17:21,305 --> 00:17:23,546 And luckily for me, What other people are thinking 382 00:17:23,569 --> 00:17:25,462 Is completely unlikable. 383 00:17:25,484 --> 00:17:27,439 Oh, we have company. 384 00:17:27,461 --> 00:17:30,373 hello, victoria chase, From oh, hi, ohio. 385 00:17:30,396 --> 00:17:32,383 Check local listings. 386 00:17:32,406 --> 00:17:34,552 - this is patricia wellons, From the I.N.S. 387 00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,307 - oh, hi. It's a pleasure to meet you. 388 00:17:36,330 --> 00:17:37,965 - I'm being deported. - what? 389 00:17:37,987 --> 00:17:40,101 - but joy and her fiance Are so in love. 390 00:17:40,124 --> 00:17:41,539 - I know he's a homeless man. 391 00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:45,047 - but that's what makes it So... So heartwarming. 392 00:17:45,070 --> 00:17:47,089 - thanks for trying, But it's over. 393 00:17:47,112 --> 00:17:48,970 - no, I'm not gonna let this Be over. 394 00:17:48,993 --> 00:17:50,087 - no, me either. 395 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,395 I mean, I'll marry her myself, 396 00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:53,437 If that's what it takes. 397 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:56,785 - I can't stand her, But I still want her to stay. 398 00:17:56,808 --> 00:17:59,944 She gets me. 399 00:17:59,967 --> 00:18:01,730 - listen, joy may not Be married, 400 00:18:01,753 --> 00:18:04,985 But she has deep ties To this country... Us. 401 00:18:05,008 --> 00:18:06,133 - you know, And in a lot of ways, 402 00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:07,918 Our friendship is stronger Than any marriage. 403 00:18:07,941 --> 00:18:09,992 I mean, we've been together Longer than 404 00:18:10,015 --> 00:18:12,193 All four of my marriages Combined. 405 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,734 - it's five. - five. 406 00:18:15,757 --> 00:18:18,882 Shoot, I always forget Ernie hudson. 407 00:18:20,638 --> 00:18:21,955 - we're a family. 408 00:18:21,978 --> 00:18:24,475 if you deport joy, You'll break us up. 409 00:18:24,498 --> 00:18:26,899 - you all live here together? - mm-hmm. 410 00:18:26,922 --> 00:18:31,843 - we certainly do. We're like sisters. 411 00:18:31,867 --> 00:18:33,312 - you know, my girlfriends And I often joke 412 00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:36,151 About living together and Having our husbands come visit. 413 00:18:36,174 --> 00:18:37,203 But you ladies are Doing it. 414 00:18:37,227 --> 00:18:38,479 I admire that. 415 00:18:38,502 --> 00:18:40,393 - so you'll get me A green card? 416 00:18:40,417 --> 00:18:42,563 - no. - oh, can't you just let her... 417 00:18:42,586 --> 00:18:44,923 - okay, what I will do Is give you an extension 418 00:18:44,946 --> 00:18:46,614 So that you have more time To file an appeal 419 00:18:46,637 --> 00:18:47,665 To stay here legally. 420 00:18:47,688 --> 00:18:50,015 - oh, thank you. 421 00:18:52,251 --> 00:18:58,161 - you know, you ladies really Have something special here. 422 00:18:58,184 --> 00:19:00,617 - oh, joy. 423 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:03,138 I've had some time to think, 424 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,456 And I can't go through With this sham marriage. 425 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:09,294 When I get married, I want it to be for real. 426 00:19:09,317 --> 00:19:10,410 For love. 427 00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:14,387 hush, vibrato! I told her! 428 00:19:16,112 --> 00:19:19,597 - it's funny because She can't even hang on 429 00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,501 To a homeless man!